Life in Captivity

Day 14 of my Captivity;
     I continue to be enthralled by the sunlight in this otherwise oversized labyrinth of an enclosure.

Even after my detailed inspection, no plausible mode of escape has yet to reveal itself. The accommodations  aren't terrible, I can truly sleep anywhere, including the faces of these simpering humans. I put up with them because they are my only source of food... mush, really... and smelly at that. I have them trained even to clean up my excrement. Ha! All this in two weeks, I'll have them rolling over and begging no time!

-olecranon

Day 75 of my Captivity;

     I have discovered a great secret: no matter how insignificantly obscured I may be, I can hide with extraordinary efficiency.

Despite my increased speed, size and strength, all attempts to present at gaining freedom have been thwarted. The short haired one uses all of his lanky, bald limbs to block my sprints at open doors. The long haired one has proven to be an effective scratching post and sparring partner- though she admittedly offers me little challenge. I find that if I behave sedately for short periods of time, I can get to within striking distance whenever I like. Lately, I've been testing the limits of this theory, four seconds appears to be sufficient, particularly if she is saying "kitty kitty" or "awwwww". Pathetic really, but a scant source of entertainment for my otherwise unbearably dull existence.

-olecranon

Day 100 of my Captivity;

     I truly did not anticipate that these humans would manage to maintain their hold on me for this long. Infuriating! I have taken to degrading them by base humiliation.

Even literally walking on them, sleeping on their faces and confiscating cooking ingredients fails to get me out on the street. The short haired one has become effective at blocking access to my favorite indulgence. I believe they call it "cheese". Who does he think he is!?

-olecranon

Day 140 of my Captivity;

     I have to admit, I've grown accustomed to some of the comforts of my small kingdom. Food whenever I demand, temperature controlled environment and soft surfaces upon which to sprawl, things could be worse, I find it hard to imagine, but the possibility is there.

Perhaps I can lull them into a false sense of security if I lay low for a while... biding my time, and then BAM- grab the food bowls, a few cans of that nice juicy stuff... a brick of cheese, one of those fluffy blankets and... drat, this is getting complicated. For now, false sense of security... and a nap... THEN I'll develop my perfect plan! Brilliance always flows from the latter end of a nap, and maybe a snack... soon. Soon...

-olecranon

Editor's notes:

     Satire is a way of life. We think that a sense of humor is necessary for a happiness. Annaliesa and I have greatly enjoyed our first eight months of marriage and all the jokes and surprises that have come with it. We graduate from Utah State in early May, and will be in Oregon while we apply to med schools, planning to matriculate in fall of 2013 somewhere on the East coast. We love you all and hope you had a laugh or two on us. 

peace and blessins,

David and Annaliesa